Redefining 'Good Enough': Part 2 from Guilt to Growth
Embracing Imperfection in Motherhood
I can still remember the day that H told one of my friends that I was the coolest person he knows. Yeah, he was three at the time. Yeah, I’m not going to be the coolest person forever. BUT at that moment, I was. How great is that?
In our last post, we talked about how mom guilt is culturally and socially created and often stems from unrealistic expectations. Believe me, I can relate to that too well. So, today we are going to focus on how we are good and that is good enough.
This idea of good enough is often warped by perfectionism and social comparison. It is hard to imagine that our journey through motherhood is even normal with all the momgrams and #momgoals out there.
Yet, when we take out the comparison and check our own perfectionism often we find that “good enough” isn’t actually failure, it’s freedom.
The Problem with Perfection
Whenever I think of perfectionism I am reminded of a friend’s favorite quote, Steinbeck writes in East of Eden (1952), "And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good.” She lived her life by these words and it has inspired me as I try to be good enough.
In the last post, we unpacked the roots of mom guilt — how societal ideals, perfectionism, and internalized pressure leave so many of us feeling like we’re constantly falling short. I often find myself overwhelmed with tasks—teaching at the university, managing meals, school runs, play dates, and so much more. It’s impossible to do it all. Life is busy, and expecting perfection is a surefire way to burn out.
Brené Brown (2010) writes in The Gifts of Imperfection that “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame' (2010). This is where the 'mom guilt' trap lies—believing that perfection is the key to avoiding shame and judgment.
I’ve learned to accept that no matter how much I try, someone will always think there’s a better way to do things. And that’s okay. I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to be good enough.
When I’m feeling down or questioning my worth, I often look through old photos. It’s a small but powerful reminder that these moments don't show a perfect mom—they show a mom who is trying, who is happy, and who is doing her best.
We do not “have to be perfect,” we can “be good” (Steinbeck, 1952). By releasing the need to be perfect, I’m finally able to focus on what truly matters—creating a happy, healthy environment for my family.
The Reality of Modern Motherhood
This battle with good and perfectionism is not original and not solitary. The myth of the "ideal mother" tells us we should be nurturing, calm, organized, and available 24/7 — and do it all with a smile. It's no wonder that over 70% of mothers report feeling like they’re constantly performing to meet these standards, which leads to stress and chronic feelings of not being enough (Schmidt et al., 2023).These statistics don’t just belong in academic journals—they reflect real moms, like me, who feel the weight of societal expectations every day.
Remember, we don’t have to be perfect parents, we can be good. That being said, “good enough” has never meant “barely functioning.” It means sustainable, loving, and present—without burning out. If you are in need of support, please reach out for help.
“If I ask for help, I’m failing.”
No. You are NOT.
“If I enjoy working, am I selfish?”
No. You are NOT.
“If I need a break, am I not cut out for this?”
TAKE A BREAK. You got this, mama!
Choosing to be good over perfect is intentionally deciding to let go of shame. My partner is my champion in this. For his 30th birthday, I wrote my husband 30 reasons why I loved him and hid them all over the house. A few found their way to the bathroom mirror. One says, “You think I (Sarah) can do anything.” Al had taken something and crossed out “you think,” so the post it just read, “I (Sarah) can do anything.”
Sometimes when I feel like I cannot do anything -- at least not write, I look at the mirror and see that post it. It is a reminder from the person that I trust most in the world that he sincerely believes in me and my abilities. Lately I’ve thought a lot about the phrasing.
Maybe I can to anything, but I choose to do very specific intentional things and one of them is to… write this blog.
What “Good Enough” Actually Looks Like
Today we had a big day. It was Saturday. Al is a soccer referee and he works a 25 minute car ride from our house. We have one car. So, I drop Al off, the boys and I bike for a bit, we go to story time 30 minutes from the house, eat a “nutritious” lunch at mcdonald’s, and nap in the car. Then we hit up a car, grab a snack, and finally make our way back to the soccer fields.
The schedule is not predetermined and it is so tricky to try and schedule anything for the boys. We, the boys and I, have begun to brand our Saturdays and adventure days. We don’t always eat super nutritiously or get full naps. Sometimes we get cranky and forget to apply a second layer of sunscreen. They are long days filled with excitement. That is tiring. They are not perfect, but they are good enough.
Sometimes, you order takeout to save your sanity, leave laundry unfolded to spend quality time with your child, or say no to one more activity because your plate is already full. That not only is ok. It is good. Another expert, Dr. Kennedy explained, “You’re a good parent doing a hard job in a hard world” (2022). She goes on to confirm, “You are doing your best, and that is more than enough.”
"And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good” (Steinbeck, 1952).
Rewriting the Standard
So, think about it, Whose voice is telling you you're not enough? It sure isn’t coming from your children. Figure out where that voice comes from and remind it that, “You are doing your best, and that is more than enough” (Kennedy, 2022).
Go a step further and name your definition of success as a parent. (Comment here or on instagram!) Does it really matter if H goes to sleep at 7:20 PM on the dot? Could that shower be optional? What am I doing here that is good?
Something that I try to keep in mind is that childhood is so short. I say this not meaning to trigger Trace Atkins singing, “You’re going to miss this,” or Kenney Chesney urging you, “Don’t blink.” I just mean to say, everything has a time and a season. Soon, my boys will be in school, we’ll have more time apart and that really means more freedom for both of us. Right now may not be the season to stress about small toddler things, I will have time. Now is not the season.
Conclusion
Motherhood, as society defines it, is often built on unrealistic ideals: the “perfect mom” who can do it all without breaking a sweat. From social media portrayals to cultural traditions, the pressure to meet these standards is overwhelming and pervasive. However, these myths and unrealistic expectations are not just unhelpful; they’re damaging.
That being said, the emotional toll is real. Constantinou et al. (2021) discovered that internalizing these traditional maternal ideals is significantly linked to increased maternal guilt and diminished self-efficacy. Essentially, the more we believe that motherhood should look one specific way, the more we question our own worth and abilities as parents.
These societal pressures not only impact our emotional well-being but can also affect our ability to make intentional decisions for our own families. When we are constantly seeking approval from external sources, whether through social media, cultural norms, or even family expectations, we lose sight of our unique path as mothers.
Join me as we continue to discover that path together. Next we will unpack the question, How do you know what actually matters to your family? Let’s figure that out together next.
I’d love to hear about your own 'good enough' wins! Share them in the comments below or on my latest Instagram post.
Sources
Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.
Constantinou, C., Carela, M., & Buckby, B. (2021). The motherhood myth and maternal guilt: A qualitative exploration. Maternal Mental Health Journal, 14(3), 101–118.
Kennedy, B. (2022). Good inside: A guide to becoming the parent you want to be. Harper Wave.
Schmidt, J., Black, A., & Park, C. (2023). Motherhood and identity: Navigating expectations in modern parenting. Journal of Family Psychology, 37(2), 65–78.
